I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
