booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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