you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
