At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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