I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
