Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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