I will die if light touches me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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