just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Damn victory sex feels great
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize