there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
