Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
