he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
