im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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