why didn't you poke me back
no, he came in my armpit
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
