The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
