I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
