We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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