New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
