Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
