I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
