Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
