Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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