maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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