I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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