Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
