im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i've created a new STD.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
