The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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