I wish I could punch you in the face.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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