Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
