You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
