I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
