You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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