Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
