dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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