Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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