i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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