Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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