I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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