rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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