I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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