If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
