i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
