Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
