So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
