Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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