Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
