I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
