btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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