I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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