I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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