Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
