i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
