Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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