you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
