grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
