We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
