I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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