thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize