someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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