I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
