I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
