Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
