You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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