Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
