did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
