and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize