Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
