so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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