Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
