I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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