"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize