Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
