by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
