And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
