I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
