that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
