i need an iv and a liver transplant
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
