i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize