i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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