is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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