How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
