Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
