there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
