I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
