at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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