i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
did you just send me my own nude
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
