I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
