I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
