I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you never un-have a 4some
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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