He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Less talking, more tequila
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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