Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
