I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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