He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
