It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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