PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
