I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
