I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
