wakey wakey hands off snakey
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
