We named our party play list daddy issues
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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