you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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