I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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