Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
