Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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