Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
