margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize