No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
