Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize