remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
