I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
