we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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