I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
