I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
